Have you ever had someone who you just met, call you out on a personal characteristic that they should have NO business recognizing if they JUST met you? Something that maybe you knew, or maybe you didn’t, but either way, you figured you kept it pretty well hidden? Sometimes it causes a revelation, sometimes it creeps you out, but either way it makes you think. Is that characteristic so blatant that ANYONE could see it? Do I throw out a vibe? Some people are incredibly perceptive, or trained to pick up on signs, or even GUESS them (sales people, psychics, etc.), so I shouldn’t take it that far to heart. But it happened to me yesterday, and it wasn’t on necessarily a GOOD characteristic, and I can’t shake it. It bothers me, and it really, really shouldn’t.

I was at a holiday party, had my happy, friendly face on, and was wandering around, mingling with the guests. I started talking to a gentleman who was from out of state, doing the polite chit chat thing - weather, local restaurants, Austin’s culture, etc.. It came up that I was born in WY, but grew up mostly on the East Coast and he got really curious about how I ended up in Texas. I answered all his questions, and then a friend of his walked over. He introduced me and said “This is Kristin, she’s from the East Coast, but lives here now and I can’t figure out why.” I thought I’d explained it, but told him to keep asking me questions if there was something I’d missed. He asked me about music, and about my friends. It was mentioned how much we moved growing up and he said “Oh, I’m so sorry.” I love that we moved, so the apology was dismissed and then he said “Did you have a hard time moving? Were the kids nice to you?” I did alright, I was very outgoing. I didn’t really fall into one particular category (except perpetual ‘new girl’), I talked to a few people from every clique, so I bounced around depending on the day. And then he cocked his head and said “Poor thing, you’re still doing that now, aren’t you? You’re still trying to figure out who you are.” And then they said a polite goodbye and left me there feeling like an insecure little kid.

I *know* I have a hard time making life long friends, but I don’t mean to. It’s a bad habit, and the longer I live in one place, the more I let go of it. It’s just hard for me to get attached if I think I might leave - and I’ve ALWAYS left. I actually have friends who I’ve become closer with after I’ve moved because I know then the relationship is ’stable.’ I’m here, they’re there, that won’t change like it would have if I still lived there. Does that make sense?

Anyway. I know I’m not defective. I know that we are the way we are because we have had years of practice. It was just unsettling being confronted with that kind of information by someone I don’t even know.